Dans Originalpost lief unter dem schönen Titel "The Germans are at it again"
ANIMAL-RIGHTS activists have called for a zoo’s baby Polar bear to be KILLED — because it relies on humans.
I love The Sun. As though the story weren’t enough to provoke outrage, they felt the need to emphasize the fact that THEY WANT TO KILL HIM, KILL HIM UNTIL HE’S DEAD AND WILL NEVER COME BACK. Honestly, I’m all for news outlets being objective, but sometimes objectivity just gets in the way of what you’re reporting. Like when some schadenfreudic Germans want to euthanize a baby polar bear for being too cute and wanting to play.I think the U.S. government needs to intervene here and grant the polar bear cub amnesty. We should threaten a violent response if anything happens to Knut. Oh, did I mention the bear’s name is Knut. COULD HE GET ANY FUCKING CUTER? If I were a better man, I would infiltrate that German zoo, rescue Knut and more to Alaska where we could play in the snow. Then he would grow up real big and I would think it was like some Disney cartoon where he had come to trust and love me, so I would try to ride him to the local fish market, but once we got there the smell would drive him crazy and he would maul me. But God, the good times we would have before it came to that.
Daraufhin fühlte ich mich verpflichtet, die unheilige Rolle der Bildzeitung (und der englischen Bild, der Sun) in diesem Szenario zu revidieren und die Sache mit Knut mal klarzustellen:
I just wanted to keep you posted on Knut, the cute little polar bear that some Germans wanted to kill to show their affection for wildlife. Knut had his first appearance in public today in the Berlin Zoo where he was presented to 500 "international journalists" (means: Some French and Brits were there). The German secretary of the Environment declared himself Knuts godfather, which means that he will pay for Knuts food. Everyone is very excited about this fact since the secretary doesn´t seem to know what he got himself into (Knut knocked him over today for like 4 times just by trying to play with him which, considering the obesity of the Secretary, was a real challenge for both). So, Knut is doing fine, everybody loves him and he even got his own song. Considering your new job as serious travelling journalist, maybe you should come to Berlin to meet the internationally most acknowledged star since Marlene Dietrich. They have the same hair color, too.
Best wishes from Berlin,
Und das brachte Dan zu folgender Antwort:
I saw this on the news and went into a full-fledged Knut frenzy, watching every video of him I could. I am convinced that I was meant to raise Knut in the wild. All my life I have felt lazy and uninspired and I think it is because I have been trying to hibernate for 27 years now.
Und das ist die unglaubliche Geschichte meines Briefwechsels mit Dan, den ich seit des nicht-mehr-updates meines früheren Lieblingsblogs der Company Bitch wie einen jungen Gott der sarkastischen Kommentare verehre. Ich bin so stolz, wie einst Professor Brinkmann in den neuen Schwarzwaldklinik- TV- Filmen, in denen Eva Habermann eine neue Gaby Dohm sein sollte. Nur ein Grund für das Scheitern dieser Produktion.
Bis zum nächstenÜberfall auf einen fremden Rechner verabschiede ich mich in Selbstvorwürfe (ausstehende Hausarbeiten) und Angst (Veröffentlichung von Klausurergebnissen) sowie Depression (Rechner kaputt) und hysterisches Gekicher (Die Ludolfs auf DMAX). Gute Nacht, Kinder.